4kids1mum <3

Hello once again my diary

Well due to some circumstances, i read thru every single old posts reminiscing the past.. How time flies since Rislin was conceived,being pregnant with her and giving birth. Every single memory is somehow filed back into my memory slot. Im so glad i wrote down these memories. Due to my treatment few months back, i having been losing alot of memories, past and present memories included.

Im also half regretful for not further blogging much after #3 as i honestly dont remember much now.. I can only refer back to photos and try to remember as much as i could. Also, i realized that one of the "side effects" of the treatment was, whatever i felt like conveying in my mind. when its being typed out, i would miss a letter. Not sure why it would happen. Perhaps I would need to bring it up to my doctor at my next appointment. Since the last time i blogged alot of things had happened.. The dog that i first had (prince) is well.. old now..(duh) and has since gotten seizure. It has been a huge turmoil for me being worried over him, arranging care taking for him etc.Finally, after a large amount of medications trial( im keeping my fingers crossed) , he is in a stable condition now. After this new "blend" of medications, he no longer has seizures.

Along the way, all these years, the kids also grew up extremely fast. Faster than i could imagine. I also realized how much i miss the newborn times ha... I am also thankful that they grow up healthy and well. Parenting also pushes me to the limit more than i know. There are alot of times i keep saying please dont do this please dont do that. But they dont listen. Also, not as if i can go "pak" talk to my hands suddenly in public right. So it has been really testing me quite alot. And I do admit i lose it a few times. But im trying my best to be their perfect mum for them, also im trying to strike a balance or blend on what is the best way to handle such situation. And i know i will never be the perfect mum, but i will not give up and keep trying. Alot of nights i would lie in bed and wonder , ponder, the times where talking doesnt work, even threatening or beating doesnt work.. what is next. Is really physical violence the only way out at a asian culture? I dont know seriously.. and i tend to avoid such alot alot alot unless its really necessary...

I really wish i could post their photos up like any other parents ,but im too paranoid to put them into risk especially with alot of shady characters around. I guess i would rather err on the side of caution. But a good news is i can upload "censored" photos.. well i guess better than nothing right :p

This lil boy is my 4th child , Linis. How time flies yea? Hes 2 to be soon in a few days.. Trying to get him his perfect cake. I guess i will update his birthday cake soon! Sorry for the random rambles.